DOGEE

If I was so unlucky as to be president, and even more burdened by the aspiration to establish a new government entity, I would create the Department of General Etiquette Enforcement (or DOGEE, pronounced “doggy”).

Its mission and brand would be one: “We’re trying to have a society here.”

No more turning quickly around blind corners.

No more questionable behaviors on planes or any form of public transit.

No more showing up to another’s home empty handed.

No more not apologizing when clearly in the wrong.

No more sharing one’s honest feelings if such honest feelings are inappropriate.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. How could one office have the capacity to regulate such pervasive and insidious behavior? Shouldn’t these matters be left to the realm of culture? What exactly qualifies as inappropriate conduct?

DOGEE would stand ready to make snap judgements regarding all these concerns, on a case-by-case, rolling basis. At long last, all would be well.