Things I Do Instead of the Thing I Need to Do

Laundry

Sweeping

Vacuuming

Catching up on personal emails

Trimming flowers

Buying new flowers

Dishes

Exercising

Checking how many vacation days I’ve accrued

Reading New York Times headlines but not the articles

Jumping on a call

Reviewing my credit card statements from the past three months and mentally excusing the highest expenses

Reading local news

Reading email newsletters

Unsubscribing from email newsletters

Getting coffee

Getting groceries

Sending mail

Checking the mail

Scrolling Instagram

Scrolling Facebook

Looking up Apple Maps directions I’ll need in three days

Walking around the apartment and slightly adjusting small objects so that they’re either square with or intentionally diagonal to the table/counter/surface on which they sit

Dusting

Cleaning the toilet

Consider cleaning the shower but deciding that’s too much

Tapping my fingers in rhythmic patterns

Holding my fingers against my lips

Softly humming

Making sudden loud noises that resemble the choruses of current radio hits and/or very old commercials

Literally anything else