Ask Adam

Dear Adam,

My girlfriend has been pretty distant the the past few months since she found out I cheated on her. I know I was in the wrong, but is it possible for someone to make themselves wrong by the way they react to something?

Sincerely,

Dumbfounded Boyfriend

Hi DB,

First of all, I want to commend you for being so upfront with the fact that your girlfriend found out you cheated on her. Many would withhold that detail, but as men, our word is our bond, so props to you. (Sorry she found out, by the way. That’s hard.)

Men are primal creatures, so when our women pull away from us, it’s our instinct to find out what’s wrong. That seems to be your primary aim here. My advice would be to first identify what exactly your girlfriend did to make you stray in the first place. Did she stop greeting you at the door? Giving you gifts? Picking you up for dates? Once you can pinpoint that and share it with her, I bet you that will bring a lot of clarity on both sides. Honesty and communication are the most important things in a relationship, and if she isn’t aware of her own issues, then there will always be a knowledge gap there.

To address your question: absolutely. I remember when I forgot my wife’s birthday and our anniversary (they happen to be on the same day), and she took multiple deep breathes right in front of me without even saying anything. Those moments of silence were painful for me, and I communicated as such to her later. We all handle things differently, but as the old saying goes: silence is never the answer.

The more men can have these conversations with each other, the stronger a world we can build. Thanks for the question, brother.

Adam