Letting Go of the Reins

I had to peel myself out of bed yesterday to teach my 8:00am class. I stopped at Starbucks on the way, hoping a Tall Pike (no room) would act as a defibrillator for my flatlined motivation. As I settled in the classroom and the students trickled in, my exhaustion turned to a certain calmness. The slow sips of caffeine turned up the dimmer switch of my brain. My check-in question was, “If you had to be famous for something, what would you like to be famous for?” The students wanted to be songwriters, actors, reality stars, and corporate executives. I wanted to be a co-host of The View.

Class went well. Students were engaged. My calmness allowed me let go of the reins a little bit, and the class was able to gallop.

I remembered how showing up for each other is sometimes the entire proverbial battle, even in the midst of global war.

Sure Thing

How much would you be willing to bet if you had an 8% chance of winning $100?

How much would you be willing to bet if you had an 80% chance of winning $10?

According to behavioral economics, since the expected payoff for both is $8 (.08 x $100 or .8 x $10), but the first option offers a higher potential payoff, most people would value the first option more. That is, they’d be willing to bet more.

But what’s interesting is that most people, if they had to choose between the two, would choose the second option because of certainty bias. An 80% chance of something sounds better than 8%, even if the reward might be ten times more.

Basically, just because we value something higher, doesn’t mean we choose it more often. We still want to go for the sure thing.

This does not accurately account for external conditions, however, such as the wearing of a sequin minidress, the feeling after a Cher concert, the effects of five martinis, or your girlfriends shouting at you, “Just go for it you crazy bitch!”

Getting Ready to Rumble

This weekend marks America’s beloved the Super Bowl — the straight man’s Oscars. Fantastical outfits and the ultimate prize on the line, it’s an event around which parties may be extravagantly planned yet narrowly interpreted. The rules are simple:

1. The Budier the beverage the better

2. Don’t dare double dip

3. Football feelings are fantasies

4. Halftime is like the one thing we get so can everybody please just be quiet for one second honestly that’s all I’m asking for

The Weather

There’s a big snow storm sweeping across the country right now but it’s missing Wisconsin, so it feels like not much is happening at all.

May your power grids be stronger than Texas’s, and may you have no place to go.

You May Be Seated

The sweeping headline that a Supreme Court Justice was to retire gave me a rare moment of fleeting elation. “Finally,” I thought, “Biden can get a W on the board.” This was met with the unfortunate realization that the ideological imbalance of the Court would remain unchanged, as Justice Stephen G. Breyer, it turns out, was already One of the Good Ones.

If the Supreme Court was a living room and its Justices the furniture, it seems we are essentially replacing an old Eames chair with a newer, younger Eames chair that should last us another good thirty-plus years. Amongst the many unflattering BarcaLoungers, the new addition is sure to shine bright.

I can only wish that when she arrives, she gets as comfortable as Justice Breyer got in his retirement speech at the White House, when he leaned on the podium, ad-libbed, and forgot to thank his wife who was sitting right freaking there. He is lucky if she doesn’t ask for his resignation from that lifetime appointment.

And Just like That…

I know a lot of people think it’s cheesy but who watched Sex and the City to be intellectually challenged? It’s full New York cosplay complete with Monopoly money and imaginary real estate, which is to say it’s fantastic television. The only thing missing is Samantha, and even her absence plays an amazing role.

I couldn’t help but wonder…are people upset because it’s so successful, or am I successful because I am so upset?

Trial Size

I turned thirty this month and recently marked the occasion with a visit to the Target Beauty section, which is a surprisingly elegant and well-lit imitation of a collection of actual cosmetics counters. I settled on a display that offered trial sizes of various venerable drug store brands – Neutrogena, L'Oréal, Olay – and perused the options as if I were a woman about to embark on a journey involving air travel who Just Can’t Stand the Hotel Shampoo. I began to fill my loose hands with a few products sure to transform my skin (and my life): 6 Bioré Deep Cleansing Charcoal Nose Strips for Men, to extract toxins from my very masculine pores; a miniature bottle of Thayers Rose Petal Witch Hazel Facial Toner, to add a requisite dose of femininity to them; and just 0.5 fl oz of Revitalift 1.5% Pure Hyaluronic Acid Serum, to visibly plump my skin and reduce wrinkles. Because I’m not actually getting older, I’m just trying it out.

Reasons Why It’s Ok to Break Your New Year’s Resolution

1. You’re just really stressed right now

2. It’s too cold outside

3. That person is doing that thing again

4. You need the sleep

5. You forgot

6. You’ve just accepted this about yourself

7. You can always start again tomorrow

What Day Is It Again?

May 2022 be better than 2021. Shouldn’t be terribly difficult.

Before You Send That Email…

Ask yourself, is this a December problem? Or a January problem?

Group Brainstorm

What would you say if you had to say 6,000 words on Latinx theatre; 15 pages on 19th century American dramatic literature; or an indescript amount on historiography, theory, and methods in visual culture?

I don’t know either but will, apparently, by 11:59pm on Tuesday.

But First…

I have a big writing deadline, so I’ve made my bed, done the dishes, taken out the trash, brushed my teeth, called my boyfriend, cleared my email, got in pajamas, and wrote this post. Now I can finally get to it. Unless there’s anything else I’ve forgotten…

Brain Drain

I was telling my friend on the phone that it’s the time of the semester when I could not have any less room in my brain to write at length, and yet it’s also the only time it happens. School deadlines, like all deadlines, are arbitrary. But, like in all things, it’s the constraint that makes the production possible.

Milestones

When you’re steadily approaching the edge of your 30th birthday, it helps to have a few close friends jump in first and tell you it’s cold but you’ll get used to it.

Missing New York

I miss the pavement and the lights and the pace, but I don’t miss the noise and the stress and the struggle. It’s not that all those things aren’t everywhere, but the cocktail of the city just hits you harder than the beer of the Midwest. It’s healthier to be away. But sometimes I miss the stiff drink.

Clocks Back, Looking Forward

I know, it’s an exciting time. Booster shots are out, Starbucks cups are red, Mariah Carey is emerging from her slumber, my friend is returning to usher at Radio City, and Thanksgiving is less than three week away. And, most of all…Adele’s album drops on November 19. Maybe everything is going to be ok after all.

Cheap Coffee

The only convenient coffee shop near the middle of campus is this tiny two-person operation, which always results in a line that wraps around the hall of the Union. It’s quite the conundrum for someone like myself who appreciates hot coffee but can’t fathom waiting more than ten minutes for it in a public setting. I have resorted to buying cold bottled coffee from the neighboring convenience store a couple of times, but it’s just not the same.

But yesterday I found a hot coffee machine in the corner of the convenience store. I had been sitting there this whole time. It had the cheap Dixie coffee cups and the big coffee things with the spigot, and even the cardboard sleeves. The coffee wasn’t good, but it was cheap. And cheap coffee is always great.

Good Morning, All

When I invited myself to write something to you all today, my first thought was, “Wow, of course! What an honor!”

Then I thought, “Hmm, what could I ever impart on these people? How could I even make just a small impact? Perhaps even on just one person? What really do I have to offer?”

I certainly do not know everything, and I aim to make no such impression. Rather, I hope to offer you only my own personal perspective, snapshots from my own journey, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, they might speak to you, too.

Now, when I sat down at my desk to write this, I thought, “Where to begin?” There were so many things I wanted to say to you, and yet crafting them into the perfect prose proved simply impossible.

It wouldn’t be fair for me to give you the idea that life can be all packaged up and tied with a bow, or that I somehow hold all the answers.

So, instead, I will spend what feels like innumerable attempts at saying something while saying nothing, humbly indulging in my own egotistical preoccupations, aiming to get closer to you while I fade slowly and slowly away.

Genuine Question

Is there really any art to be made or words to be written in the moments after Adele releases new music?

In the Long Run

I’m doing another marathon run on Monday, my fourth in as many years. Each year it’s daunting and nerve-wracking, an odd cocktail of stage freight and anticipatory pain with a base of uncertainty.

Only distance runners can tell you the particular dread of having a race coming up, that sense of knowing that you soon you’ll be uncomfortably confronted with yourself. While you’re out there, there’s plenty of time to ponder what led you to such a course, and plenty of brainstorming about why you might decide to never do it again.

But distance runners will also tell you that few sensations compare to the profound relief of finishing, of resting your hands on your knees, and relishing in the sweet sensation of knowing there is no further left to go. Every time, I remember how good it feels to walk.