The Keep Pile

I went through my computer storage recently because it was preventing me from doing just about anything on my laptop beside browse the internet and watch YouTube videos, which I happily did many a day. ("I would get started on that project, I swear, but my computer can't even save anything right now! Oh well," I assured myself.) I finally found the perfect afternoon, one after a solid lunch, when my non-air conditioned apartment was soothed by the coolness of a rainy day. Even I could not conjure an excuse that would convince myself of further delay.

I started with the skills I learned from several previous calls to Apple (which connects you to a real person sooner than you think as long as you just press "0" enough times). Apple Icon > About This Mac > Storage > Manage. I was presented with my largest and least used files, all of which carried a new weight of significance the way anything does when it's on the precipice of extinction. It was the digital equivalent of eyeing down a bulky antique dresser in the corner of my bedroom, one filled with dusty sweaters I haven't worn for years. "But what if it's colder this winter?" I started to think.

Thankfully, all it takes is getting rid of one big thing and the rest just goes. Soon enough the feeling of relief becomes more rewarding than the anxiety of "but-what-if-I-need-it"-ness. It's like pumping the first pedals on a bike. Once the stakes are lower, then you can really fly.

What I find most fulfilling about clearing out is not the catharsis of relinquishment or even the potentiality of more space. It's the pleasure that comes with knowing that everything I keep, I've chosen, and there are few feelings as sweet and reassuring as that.